Sex appeal: a woman's job

Ever since I started to understand sex, I had the idea that it is the responsibility of the woman to seduce and please the man. Now I don't mean every single guy, all the time. But for the ones I was planning on having sex with, I felt like it was my job to make them happy. It never occurred to me, especially not when I first started having sex as a teenager that I had every right to enjoy the experience, too. I never thought to ask for different things or to say when something was bad. My sole role was to be good in bed for the sake of the guy who I was sharing with bed with.

This was my initial view on the woman's role in sex. I have no idea where it came from. Maybe the media. Maybe it was just the way things were at my school. I don't know how the idea started. But I do know what made it worse.

My first real boyfriend was a selfish jerk. One time we were having sex and he was pushing way too hard. It hurt like crazy but, because I wanted to "be good in bed" I shut my mouth and let it happen. Afterwards, I mentioned that whatever he was doing hurt. My boyfriend's response? He CRIED! Like with tears because I hurt his feelings. Are you kidding me?! I was the one in physical pain and when I tell him that next time he should maybe not push quite as hard and he cries!

I can recognize that this is ridiculously unfair. However, I am still scarred by that. I very rarely tell someone that what they are doing hurts. Even though I can tell myself most guys will not react like that one guy did, I am still afraid of offending the person who is hurting me and thus I take it.

Even if what he's doing doesn't hurt, it may not be exactly right. For example, the clitoris is a hard spot to work with. Most guys know where it is but very few touch it the exact way you want the first time you are with them. And without your guidance, they will never learn. I know this. But I still feel afraid to correct them since it implies whatever they are currently doing is wrong.

Does anyone else ever feel this way? Please comment.

We need to be less concerned with doing what we think a guy wants us to do and just do what we actually want to do. Bottom line is the guy is having sex. Odds are he doesn't care what we are doing to ourselves or asking him to do to us. So fuck it. Literally!